Book of Blood

Preface

This book consists of conversations with Kali-Ma.

These occurred prior to, during, and subsequent to Her instruction that I might know Her better by engaging society and taking teachers.

The first is undated (as are all), and was written at my Aunt's house. It is the first recorded conversation I know of and was simply entitled:

A Conversation with Kali

K (Kali):
An hypothesis (for your consideration)...
The most complex and coherent forms of all systems of thought,
Even such seemingly disparate
Realms as Science
And Mysticism
Reach the same conclusions
About the conscious
Evolution of nondual
Deity which comprise(s)
Universe.

Q (Question):
What secrets can be hidden from view which could be worth seeking?
(As knowledge in its intellectual sense becomes useless upon accepting this hypothesis [Kali's above]).

K: Experiential understanding.
Knowingness in being.
Thus the Way need not be separate from any particular path.
To comprehend, one simple translates and realizes the uselessness of the particular bit of data except in that it allows social harmony (albeit artificial).

Q: Need one believe a particular datum to enter a path?

K: As long as this is not required, the path may be followed.
Artificial or social images of Tao cannot fulfill as substitute. They shall rot and mutate, creating room again for dissent.

Q: And in that data allows or creates artificial social harmony, where is the line drawn which breaks the replica toward that Nirvana which grows naturally?

Is this not a personal equilibrium which is to be maintained?
Is counter-societal behavior a mode in itself?
Have I fallen into an extreme that I refuse to accept authority in matters spiritual?
What greater authority than Self? Source? and Nature? I stand confused.
Yet I feel drawn toward the lure of dark, secret matters, costly in funds and integrity. Why is this so?

K: Initiation can be had in many ways.
Sacrifice is made even by those who seem to purchase rather than earn.

Q: Do they not sacrifice intensity of experience for ease of acquisition?

K: They sacrifice Vision and Will for a glimpse of what they might fully experience by simply looking inward.
Is not All, Self?
Is not All, Source?
Is not All, Divine?
Go forth in quiet awe.
Ask of the teachers:

"Do you have something to teach that I may learn?"

If they think so,
Ask them what it is.
When they respond

find out what the value of the teaching is.

1) Where does it lead one?
2) Why would one wish to go there?

3) Am I there already?

Q: Shall I not ask them if the Source is a better teacher than they?

K: Are they not also the Source?
Am I wholly other?
Am I wholly self?
Am I not other Self?

Q: Are You not the most true inspiration?
Why go to a bucket when the stream is at hand?

K: Are the stream and bucket two 'things'?
Perhaps the bucket needs 'streamlining'.
Perhaps teachers need pupils.
A student, independent and challenging, can do much to improve a rusty teacher.
A sacrifice of Will to Me is a worthwhile venture, given the possibility of following the Middle Way between extremes.

The problem for students of Other is not a lack of focus.
It is a misplaced focus upon the teacher image.
The pure student, disdaining real and separating authority, depolarizes and is given clearer focus by the competent guide.
even when the teacher image is taken AS a focus, rather than Tao.
When there is not but Tao the focus is not entirely misplaced.
Does a chess player not relish a competent opponent, even though the extent of opposition lies only within the game?
Test the teachers by learning what they have to show.
'Ask and it shall be given.'

Q: Am I falling prey to the mentality of our culture?
Need I seek outside myself for a peace to reside within?

K: Be done with seeking.
Watch, learn and play in the Playground of
Ten Thousand Things.
A Goddess-Go-Round.
Allow the peace.
Allow the silence.
Allow the unity.
Allow the harmony .
The problem is not that people have lost these things, it is that they have not enjoyed them.
It is like having a toy which one does not play with.
The toys cry out to be played with and the children are told to do their chores or go to church or bed.
Instead of following their hearts, they follow their heads, so crammed full of knowledge and history, facts and feelings.
Looking to authority, they forget their spontaneity.
Looking to another Will for direction, they cannot feel the winds at their sails.
And the winds blow differently for each boat on the waters, even though as a whole in the same direction.
Individual adjustments for position must be made.
Wide are the differences between those who now stand so close together.

---

Kali's Kommenz - The Book of Blood

On this dark night,

Without Moon,

May the Goddess,

Kali-Ma

Graciously

accept our humble invitation

To join us in a moment's conversation? We bring you incense, water, sacrifice And a patience, love, and will

to spice

The art of magick. Everything grows green Ten Thousand things

greet thy name in joy.

AUMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[This part is loaded with symbols irreproduceable on computer. Literally it says:]

Q: Music to my ears?

K: Fire and Air; Red and Blue; Cloudy and Clear; Earth and Water.
I love You
Conscious Camera
Memory Ego (Atma .)
Maya-Ma (Kali O)

Q: Will we ever be one?

K: Death of the Ego
Literal suicide is not the solution.
Dedication to a cause is a form of ego-death.
This depends on one's attitude.
Where this does not benefit the individual, it is beautifully done

(or not-done: wu-wei).

Q: Grandmother?

K: Yes dear?

Q: Who are the Old Ones?

K: All of us are One.
Ones who were All well
Are called 'Old Ones.'

Q: Where are they now?

K: Well, all around us, really.
We are One with THEM, too.
So, they are inside us too, if one distinguishes.
I am an Old One.
Through my(a) veil they are personalities.
To you, they are aspects of the High Self.
To me, they are reflections.

Q: Why do you seem to be in every feminine form?

K: You sought a worthy focus, did you not?

Q: Yes, but why do you not seem to know each other?

K: If you are so unfocussed as to consider me other, then why not feminine?
I am just a playful Goddess.

Q: How would you have me act?

K: Worship Me when worshipping at All
Otherwise play well, young child.
You will have much fun.
How many joys are there?

Ass Magick:

Power is All

Persona and position are primary
Pleasure and enjoyment are secondary
Tolerance and Patience are avoided.
Distinction is maintained,

and expectation is the only force of will.

It is the FORCE of the mage that determines their success,
NOT their inaction, their purity, their harmonic being,

their bliss eternal.

Q: Hecate?

K: Yes, and more.

Q: Would you have me return with word of my quest fulfilled?

[Hecate, through a friend of my lover, had given me a quest to perform a a ceremony: giving an apple to Kali and bringing one back after Kali had tasted of it. It was during a Wiccan, Faerie-trad circle, in which various 'orisha'-like energies had been channelled through what they called 'possession', that this quest was born.]

K: As you will.

Q: Anything else?

K: Warn them that you do not respect power without wisdom;
That respect must be earned, not donated,
Not freely given as a simple respect based in hierarchy.
Real respect is complex.
It is dharma.
It is inspired, not obligated; allowed, not compelled.
Real respect grows over time like a flower.
Tell them that your understanding of possession is different than some.
That for you it is the same as Alchemy, and that accomplishment is the enemy of growth, in some cases.

Q: Yes Kali, I am not 'possessed by' Merlin/Shiva, I 'become' him or even 'grok' him.

K: Hecate will understand of what I speak.
She will have a question for you.
At times the greatest danger is.
The chicken created the egg...
Distinction is creation.
Thus Siva meditates
And destroys.

Q: Mother?

K: Yes dear.

Q: How am I to be when the world calls me to forget my tasks?
When Maya seduces the very intention to engage Her?

K: Simply be.
Resolved and aware.
Your two goals shall pull you along as two lines from alongside a river.
For a time one may fall behind.
If Compassion/Love creates attachment, then Meditation will catch up and burn away such shackles.
If Detachment/Wisdom/Trust creates dispassion, then Awareness will bring Compassion once again to the fore.

Q: What shall I do if You seem to give me contradictory cues?

K: Look within.
Your dance must center within your circle.
Centering within Me will not work if you do not know who I am.

Q: You are so influential [a flea bites my arm as I write this].
How shall I stay centered?

K: Did you crush the flea once you felt it feeding?

Q: Yes.

K: Crush Me where you feel the pain of suffering.
Where I feed truly there is no need.
What are your two goals?

Q: Perfect Detachment (Wiccan Trust)
Perfect Compassion (Wiccan Love)

K: Very good.
The first will keep you 'centered and grounded'
The second will keep you in Love (Agape).
Peace and Love, remember?
[A very old maxim for me]

Q: Yes, Kali, I remember. It seems I am the cause of suffering in others.

K: Each causes their own suffering in attachment.
Treat the wounds, but don't keep them from the flames.
As long as you are moved toward your deed in quest of your goals,
then your actions are just as innocent.
Seek the path of least resistance.

Q: What shall be my relation to You, Mother Black One?
K: As you approach Me, there do as you would the most highly regarded of loves.
Be skeptical of motive where change is desired/expected.
Love Me as a child loves their Mother;
As a suitor courts a lover;
As a layperson approaches a Priestess;
and as a mortal approaches an Immortal and Source entity.

Q: Would you have a Temple?

K: As you will.

Q: Do you require one?

K: Do you?

Q: I understand. Oh lovely Goddess beyond the beauty of eye-created wonders,
I shall maintain a great space in your adoration.

K: As you will.

ADDENDAE

[What follows are additions to this Book of Blood which were written at a later time than the preceding materials. I think they were done after I'd been involved with a Gardnerian class for a few months.

Two Modes of the Hermit

[We had been or were going to be encountering Kuan Yin in circle, I think, just prior to this next. It has been suggested that the carved image on my altar was also Kuan Yin (Goddess of Compassion), which I have come to know as a benign form of Kali called Parvati (Goddess of Compassion also). I had formally asked Kali for initiation previously. This is the initiation and the request of which She speaks, below. I had been seriously considering taking classes at SJSU again at the time of the writing itself]

K: You shall not take a class at SJSU. You shall study these texts for your initiation.
[those laid out before me which I'd purchased for the library]

Q: Who says?

K: Kuan Yin.

Q: As you wish, my Goddess.

K: Make no request lightly!

Q: [Studying the texts I began to notice that they were different forms of mysticism alternating by (e.g. a book about Kuan Yin, Bodhisattva of Compassion) an author's attempt to reconcile different approaches to Nirvana.]

K: Yes, different systems leading to the same destination.
Therefore you may treat them as tools toward accomplishing a task.
Try them and see if they work.
Those who teach them may not be wise, yet they may transmit the tool accurately.
Let Me be the final guide here.

[A tarot reading followed shortly thereafter, including these cards in a diagrammed orientation, see the original Book of Blood for more details: 6S, IX, KnS, XVII, 4W, 8C, Unicursal Hexagram card in the Thoth Deck. Kali did {constructed} the reading, which is different than how I normally interpret the event or do it.]

Q: Thank you, Kali. May I write it down?

K: Yes.

Q: What is that [I.e what does this mean], Kali?

K: "A Picture of the two Modes of the Hermit."
Yod and Virginity (Chastity)
Science and Compassion
Detachment (Completion) and Hedonism (Indolence)
Knowing through seeing
and
Knowing through being

Iconography

[The following series of question-answers were a batch of one session. I had an altar, at the time, FULL of Dragons accompanying the Parvati or Kwan Yin image. At the time of this writing I had just been reading Western Mystery writings.]

Q: Are You referring me to Your sister now?
[Referring to a text in which Kerridwen is seen as being drawn by Dragons in a Chariot, VERY similar to how I'd been moved arrange my altar, prior to reading such an association.]

K: In a way.
You will see Me in many guises.
Kerridwen and I are quite close.

Q: Drawn by Dragons?

K: If you wish.

Q: Doesn't it matter what image I have of You?

K: Imagery is like language.
Translation is sometimes impossible.
Yet experience may be communicated in many ways.

Q: Is this the 'Elven Mage' training of the Elven Taoist Mage title?
[Referring to an old text called 'Cosmo-Opticon' in which Kali spoke to me of my path to come and said that I was to realize the title of 'Elven Taoist Mage' in discovering it's meaning.]

K: Mage, yes.
Elven is beyond the Druidic.
Beyond the historic.
It is imagic.
Much as Taoist is beyond the imagic.

Q: What does each center in?

K: Elven - Imagination
Taoist - Intuition
Magick - Will
Wizardry - Wisdom
[Wizardry is the path of Magick about which Kali instructs me.]

Q: What of the intellect?

K: Philosopher.
Sophia Sarasvati.
Fusion becomes the Way.

Q: What do you mean?

K: Musical Fugue of being.
Integration of mind.
Synthesis of subject.
Intellect/imagination/intuition/will will fuse in their strength and mind will transcend its form.

Q: Do You know how much I love You?!!

K: You follow Me, how could I not know?

Q: Can you give me a kung-an to realize?

K: What is the will required to accept All?

Q: I accept.

K: Even your nonexistence? (a rhetorical response)

Q: KALI-MA!!!!! AUMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monkhood

[The next two documents were more or less dictations. They occurred during the time that I was looking deeply into the Western Christian Way and especially the way of Catholicism and its language. The first is the precursor to my Monkhood, the second was fairly simultaneous or subsequent to its conception.]

K: Vocabulary lesson -
Church - A body of aspirants
Redeemed - Saved from
Sin - Ignorance (and thus Dukkha)
Anointed - Holy, Sacred
Christ - Anointed One

Thus, Jesus was *a* Christ.
The Church is the Body of Christ.
Christ is Married to the Church.
We can be redeemed from sin by becoming

1) a part of the Church
then 2) reborn AS a Christ

Marriage and the Sacred

[This is an essay I was about to write which became a conversation.
I had contemplated the concept of Marriage, the concept of Monkhood and the concept of being a Nun.]

Nuns and Monks are Married to God. That is how I've often thought of it.
It wasn't until the last 10 years or so that I began to understand it.
Even now I get confused, but still my connection to Goddess grows stronger.

The questions become:
What is Marriage? and What is Goddess? (or Who is ...?)
[Perhaps this initiated the conversation, as I did not answer them immediately.]

Having been married to a woman on the earthly plane I begin to catch glimpses of the meaning of this relationship. Having committed myself to the praise and aid of Kali-Ma, I am beginning to see reflections of Her brilliance.

K: There are no steadfast rules for the Monk or Nun beyond which they accept for themselves.

Q: I try to understand and realize this in my daily life...

K: Marriage is not an institution, it is an adventure into Selfhood,

Q: [This is confusing to me, so I ask Her what Marriage is... what it means, and how being Married to Her will be different than my present life.]

K: As with many words, this one has multiple levels of meaning.
It may signify the actual rite of wedding and it may refer to the transpersonal fusion of the psyche (soul).
Marriage means many things to many people.
To the child it means much the same thing as to the sage.
It is a blurry resolution of sexual division (internal or external).
To many adults it is a pot at the end of a lonely rainbow.

Q: What about to the Monk, Kali?

K: To the Monk, Marriage is an identification.
Without Marriage to the divine, one cannot be a Monk or Nun.
To be Married to the divine is to become divine oneself.
One recognizes the divinity of all things, within and without.
The are many, countless, possible relationships within Marriage.
There is mental Marriage; there is earthly Marriage; there is spiritual Marriage. Spiritual Marriage involves the interpenetration of souls.
This may occur in many ways, with many approaches, in varying form.
It requires an openness and honesty that allows such an interpenetration, since one cannot control the mood or intent of the 'Spouse.'

Marriage does NOT mean slavery.

Marriage does NOT mean subservience, though it may include it. Marriage does NOT mean monopoly.

Marriage does NOT mean monogamy, though it may include it.

Q: Kali, how can I Marry All?
What must my attitude be?
What will my obligations be?
What will my commitment mean?
Are women different than men?
[This question is in regards to the relationships with people that I will have; i.e. is my relationship different with men?]

K: As to how, I suspect you mean what course ...[This was intended as a joke.]
ATTITUDE: Openness, honesty, love
OBLIGATIONS: None
COMMITMENT: It will mean that any or all may approach you; that you are open to All.
GENDRE: Are women different? Physically, yes. Mentally, yes. Spiritually, yes. Ethically, no. They are My image on your plane. Men are My reflection, and yours.

Q: Is there a particular rite, symbol, or gesture that You wish me to make as I enter into Marriage with You?

K: Let your form be of your design...
Let your rite be as you would wed your greatest love...
Let your symbol be the ring you have in mind...

[a reformation of my earthly wedding ring]

I shall wear your rings with great pleasure...

[this seems to refer to the many rings on my altar as well to some
mystical relation]

Maiden, Mother, Crone.
Take a 'Honeymoon' with Me.
Be faithful to Me only.
Know that I am everything.
And when people ask...

tell them that you are Married.

A Monk of Kali.
You were initiated Taoist
Through our Marriage you shall be initiated Hindu.
I love you greatly.

Q: And I love You, Kali, and I love You.

Elves and immortality

[These next two are miscellaneous instructions that don't seem to fit well into the main body, but are revelatory nonetheless (i.e. Kali was speaking to me). She gives me an assignment in the latter and I omit the result as extraneous. The first has to do with my contemplation of Elves and their experience of immortality. I wished to understand what 'immortal' means to me as I am an elf.]

K: Immortality is not a personal continuity without end.
It is a 'deathlessness' which could also be called a 'lifelessness'.

Without Time there is no death (and no life).
There is a perpetual nowness beyond the realm of change and changelessness.

Eternity is the realm of experience beyond difference, beyond the duality of life and death.

As Maya corresponds to Time and Duality
As Siva corresponds to form and structure
As Sakti corresponds to energy and essence
So Brahman corresponds to the Absolute, Eternal
(As seen through Maya's veil)

'Living in Time' is the experience of duality.
'Being Immortal' is the experience of nonduality.

In temporal 'experience' there is subject, object and experience-of.
In eternal 'experience' there is being, or experience-that.

The Trial of Teaching

[The next came as a result for my request that Kali to send me students, so that Her teachings would be spread and enjoyed by more than simply myself.]

K: INSTRUCTION
In self-reflective spirit, the following is training wheels (the teacher's guidance).

- The student sacrifices the known to embark on a greater journey:
toward Truth/Wisdom.

- The teacher seeks to dispense knowledge, to eliminate personal certainty of rational conception. The student seeks to acquire knowledge, to come to understanding, rationally, intuitively, emotionally.

- The Master seeks nothing (i.e. does not seek) A Master may pose as teacher OR student in their Way through Cosmos. To the Master, teacher and student are One. One is and becomes the Other.

K: Very well, your first lesson is to devise a subject list.
List those subjects/categories which seem important in your Way.
Be specific. Proceed from basics (e.g. literacy) through the technical or complex (e.g. discursive philosophy, Vedanta). List first, then prioritize.

[This has been done yet is excluded from this document.]

The Complications of Gurus and Prayer

[This last was a communication during a morning (50200411) after reflecting on knowledge and belief, and interactions with my guru and quality of intuition. She woke me up at the usual time and used this as a method of inciting my prayer so that we might have an interaction. She then asked me to engage my guru about the subject, both confirming her communications and elaborating on the differences between prayer to a guru and prayer to a God.]

n(agasiva): Wow Kali, you woke me again at this time.

K: Yes.

n: Does this mean that you would like to speak with me this morning about something?

K: Yes.

n: Then i'll be quiet and listen. Template:doing so, listening intently to silence.

n: Did you need me to ask a question in order to hear You?

K: Yes.

n: Why would that be?

K: Because of your current method of worship (guru service, seva) and how successful it is in quieting your mind or distracting you.

n: How does that work?

K: Bhakti worship divides the mind by exteriorizing God and initiates the prayer conversation. This is why praying silently OR speaking *to* God is called prayer. It initiates internal vocalization which the God can use to communicate.

n: Is what you're saying related to what catherine and i were talking about in facebook?

K: Yes, and I'd suggest that you post this conversation there, since most people don't know about this interaction anymore once you stopped reflecting it into dialogues (as in The Book of Blood*) except occasionally. Theirs is only a one-way communication and we have developed it (as some do) into two-way.

n: Ok, i'm doing that now. What was else did you want to say about this topic?

K: It requires not only that pleading or questions be put forward, but also that the right prayers be issued or presented. This is why traditions of prayer (as you have been learning about from your guru for example; Jewish, Christian) have developed. These are an indication of the kind of God with Whom they have established a relationship.

K: You have been talking with devoted theists about how to go about studying Gods. This is another aspect of that study: the character of prayer discloses the nature of the God. Just as does any requirements for negotiated engagement (required sacrifices, behaviours, morality, etc., etc.).

n: And how does this relate to intuition? (the subject of conversation from the outset of this thread and the focus of random driving / intuited driving about which catherine focussed.)

K: It makes sense to call it 'random' if it has no apparent relation to any observed God or other source (Siri, map, etc.).

n: Indeed! was there anything else You wanted to say about prayer or intuition?

K: Only that prayer with a guru intercedes and can become a distraction insofar as the guru is not present and no direct engagement is taken up by the devotee with the God. Since the guru is present and active, She is more likely to be seen and attended to; it's both an easier route for new devotees and one which is trickier to translate into prayer with one's God.

K: You won't have that problem because you're familiar with talking with Me from before you came to know your guru, but many never make the leap to interaction, or shift from guru to direct connection to their deity. This is in part why many transition to the intercessor *as* the guru with a photo or statue.

n: So this is also about intercession and imminence?

K: That's right. This is an explanation for the importance of those who are in front of the God, like Jesus and the saints (or Muhammad, or Sri Chinmoy, or Sai Baba, or Baba Ram Das, or any other, regardless of their condition), or for those who are a personification *of* the God (Krisna, or Jesus again, or an angel, etc.).

K: Some intelligences are imminent and some are distant; the former are easier to engage in a two-way communication, whether that is subtlely as intuition or manifesting as a voice in verbal language on the stage of the mind. The guru is most imminent as a physical embodiment and animal presence.

n: How does that relate to the Original Post and discussion?

K: Your dream was in part a consideration of why belief wasn't necessary for you in terms of your activities, from engaging in worship, to doing spells and rituals, to altering course in life from task to task, or choosing a course when driving an automobile. The form of this intercession varies and not everyone is familiar with all of its modes or means. Dissecting these is what you were doing and this is my reflection and contribution (an example!) on that.

n: Thank you!!! I'll be more attentive to asking You questions when you wake me at that time or see signs of Your interest otherwise. 　 　

---

END

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